Lemme outta here!!

this is myspace, yea. i mean, there are various types of people here.
good people, bad people. nice people, naughty people. sexy ones, appropriate ones.

sometimes i come across those who i dont know how to talk to. i mean, literally.
they ask questions at me like im in some kinda interrogation room

“hey, awak asal mana?”
“perlis =]”
“oo perlis. perlis mana?”
“perlis, kat kangar je. =]”
“kangar?. kangar mana?. awak study or sekolah lagi?”
ok stop. up to this point, this conversation is really awkward. i mean, its just that im not comfortable talking with someone whom i literally knew for less than 5minutes – plus over the internet, and i am not that comfortable.
and usually, i’ll just shrug them off, telling them i am not really comfortable talking with them and answering questions like im being interrogated.

and usually their responses are like
“hurmmm…..”

ok.. what the hell am i supposed to reply to that?. herrmmm?? LOL
that is the problem some myspacers are facing now. they do not know the proper ways to talk with people. they do not know how to break the ice the proper way and to open a decent – if not nice, conversation.

there was also this one time when i was logged in my mobile for my yahoo messenger.
this kid, buzzed me with..
“uRm…….”
seriously, what the hell is that.
how am i supposed to reply?.
“hey asal ni?, cam murung je?.” lol. that is a guy for god’s sake. im not gay.
-_-’

plus theyre also hopeful. they hope so much that you would reply to them. reply to their boring comments. like.
“hey” or maybe “hy…………..” <<—– what is that.. 2 letters…? FFS, 2 friggin letters??? and a long dotted line.
what is that. how am i supposed to reply to that?.

we are all the same in here. we all use the same brain, the same schooling system, same things. but can we not think the same way?. better yet, can we think?. is it so hard to make up a decent opening line like
“heyy, how was today?. tadi i went out ngan member2 makan. haha. yum2. lama gila tak lepak ngan diorang. u buat apa now?”

secara tak langsung, that sentence fishes the other party to know more about you. like, ‘why you havent hanged with them for a long time?.’, ‘where you went out hanging with them?.’. also they got the chance to answer your questions.
dont barge them with batteries of questions only. conversation is a conversing verbal action. meaning someone talks, while someone listens. then the listener will tak, and the talker will listen back.
its easy.

also, i dont like people talking with accents… like, u know, accents.
“hyee, kamoo bwat apew?.”
“mnew adew larh, aq makan nacik jew agaga”
lol. we’re not babies yo. we’re no 4 year olds trying to learn to talk. we are grown people (well, at least some of us are).
its just friggin annoying to talk with people like these. i dont even know what to do. either reply. or straight kaw kaw flame their accents.

cmon. grow up lah. i got no time interest to reason or engage conversation with people like these.
please, just, learn to talk.

how hard is it to write one whole sentence when you wanna buzz someone?. one whole proper sentence.
ni tak, “hye” je. what am i supposed to reply?. “hye. =]” then what, you gonna speak?. “emm… awak asal mana?”
YA ALLAH SOALAN NI LAGI! ARGH!!! GILA AKU!!
see!?

oh and they seem to be largely interested with your personal life as well.
“ni chatting ngan i ur gf tak marah ke?.”
apelaa… bo-.. haih.. no i wont call them that in my blog.. i just.. EERGGGHH!!! just think! i made a myspace, for finding friends?. right?! and why the hell is my ‘imaginary gf’ (im single.. boohoo..) gonna be mad at me for fulfilling my myspace goal which is to make new friends?.

better yet, some of them insisted. wow.
“actually i dont have a gf. im single. haha.” <<–forced a laugh. wasnt laughing at all.
“yeke, tipu lah. orang cam awak ni mesti ada gf chun.”
“lol wut?. i told u la, im single.”
“tipu la awak ni. mana la nak chat ngan kita ni kan. tak cantik, gf dia cantik”
budak ni laa.. aku punggi punggi ala nyut nyut nyut satgi kot! X( “tak, i takde gf, n i rasa macam terhina lak u kata i ada gf. bukan semua orang laki ada gf.”
“ok ok sori.. awak marah ke..”
“eh tak, tak marah.. suka.”
bla bla bla
just imagine how the whole conversation went. -_-’
ergh!

and some even got the NERVE to call me sombong.
oi happy heart your father’s head call people cocky! X(

if i dint repply to you, that means i got something to do, im busy. or something. for sure i wont ignore people for no reason.
i reply to most comments. almost all of them. cuz some are just plain annoying that i dont reply. but i reply. im a nice guy. a very nice guy. which is a trait you cannot see in this blog. because im not a nice blogger.
see see??. different meh.

My 21st

Where do I even start? Hi. “17?… Still?…” Yes, it’s the 6th June – the time to remind me that I am older again.

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me…..birthdays are crap. My 21st birthday means nothing to me. It’s just another day passing by. A day closer to death. The only birthdays that I honor are that of my future wife and our children. wait a sec, 21st…now I can legally drink hahahaha like if I’m living in state now. Right or wrong people get so busy with other things. They may need reminding as they may not mean to have forgotten. I’ve been guilty of forgetting people’s birthday as the date passes and I’ve not realized or things have just been so hectic. So, for my birthday I would like everybody to learn to celebrate their Birthdays instead of fearing it, or treating it as any other day. It is a special day in which you came in to the world. It doesn’t matter how old you are, age just means you have done a good job at fighting death (And remember with out an end to life would it have a purpose? Death is what gives life meaning.). And whether you want to believe it or not, you are special. If not to you, then to someone. Someone that you know likes you a lot or someone you don’t. You never know what person you’re over looking, that might really like you.

Bored.

I wish someone would invent Hip Hop music. Then call themselves the N.W.A or KRS One, that would be
“What do u want most in the whole wide world, Mr Shuji?” I asked myself, excitedly.

“And I wanna thank you, for giving me the best day of my life…” – Dido.

Love comes again

hayooo!!

how do u handle if ur old-unforgettable love of ur life is coming back to u? maybe ur first love, ur first kiss or first lover. kalau saat ini aku atau korang semua still single, maybe complicated jugak kan?? tinggal kita mau menerima lagi atau gi mana ya?

lagi teruk, kalau kamunya dah ada pasangan? padahal sebenarnya dilubuk hati masih suka sama si-masa-lalu itu.
kalau begini jadinya, one-eternal/remain-unanswered-question…

“Do you believe if there is a soulmate for everyone?”

if u do sedangkan kamu/dia dah dengan yang lain, apa kamu akan meninggalkannya untuk meraih kebahagian bersama soulmate’mu itu?

cinta datang lagi? how will u responce?

s h u j i

I’m not short

“tak tension ke jadi kecik” ( isnt it stressful to be so tiny ). that was tricky one. so, how i respond politely without sounding rude or sarcastic? tell them that im appreciate their comments by sweetly saying, “Ohh, thanks so much for telling me that, i really like my height and im also cute!” i need to accept myself the way im. im 164 and for a malaysian, with no mix blood, yes im quite tall ( actually, i got mix blood ) but the reason why i look “kecik” is ‘cos im skinny as a result, i had to deal with this for decades now. u feel short because “average” means that there are (around) as many people ur age taller than u as there are shorter than u. u aren’t done growing, and u see people who are older than u…which makes u feel shorter. (the “average” height for an adult is well over 5 ft tall…maybe 5′9″) u’d probably feel taller, if u hung out in a pre-school all day. as for how tall u’ll probably be, there are tons of factors. being short is great. been that way all my life. i can hide easier, i don’t have to duck in forests, or in low basements, i can sleep about anywhere, i can ride comfortably in all types of cars, i can get through a crowd faster, i can get up front at parades, there are lots of positives to being “kecik”. being short isn’t the end of the world Allah makes us each perfect in his eyes. he’s not being partial or punishing u. that’s just the way it is. okay, saya kecik dan takde girlfriend. girls like tall guys, i think its a “sense of security” thing. its not ur imagination, i heard several girls say they had to be with guys who were at least 6′0. women say that guys are superficial, but are they any different? i think not. maybe focus more on making alot of money because that’s another thing that women like. not all women like tall men kan? sometimes there are taller women who date shorter men. aku penah jugak pikir, boleh ke aku protect gf aku? dah la aku ni kecik…tiup jeh dah melayang!!!! the stature of a guy does not matter, there are guys who are short, but when they get into a conversation, on any subject people tend to look at them with admiration. even short guys who are actors, are famous, do u think people admire them because of their stature, no way!! because of the way they radiate confidence to themselves. always thought positive not negative.

Bill Gates is only 5′9″ tall. i wonder if his height bothers him or if he’s to busy being the richest man on the planet?

no im not short. everyone else is simply too tall,

Silver and gold

im usually bubbly but inwardly im quite shy. im the life and soul of my group but all my friends including my best friend were now on their own ways of life after leaving school years ago. i have the challenge of making new friends to spend the year with since none of my friends enroll at my school. the old saying still holds true, “make new friends, but keep the old.” however, when i think about it, making new friends can be difficult. after all, meeting people at all can be complicated and often not worth the effort. that’s to say nothing of really finding someone whom i share something in common with. old friends, on the other hand, already know me for sure, and don’t require that awkward getting-to-know-me period. even that old saying does admit old friends might be better than new ones. finding old friends can be hard, though. luckily, some great internet tools are available to help in my search like what i did to search some old friends nadrah and nadiah, mashitah, syahidah just name a few. even if the friends i want to find aren’t into internet stuff but i still may be able to find them. social networking are another great way to reconnect with friends whom i may have lost touch with over the years. kadang-kadang, kita mungkin tak sedar yang dunia ni memang kecik eventhough it would takes a very long-long times to reconnect. the analogy to precious metals in the song emphasizes the value of friendships. every book and article on happiness lists the importance of personal relationships to our joy. it’s not because we get our happiness from others, but because by sharing the happiness we have with others, our own happiness is strengthened. but warm friendships don’t just happen. they must be cultivated and nurtured if they are to be meaningful and long-lasting. my friends appreciate greeting cards, and so do i. we can also send occasional greeting cards, not just during raya or bithday is it? one friend commented that she didn’t even know i always make gathering dinner until she received one from me. sometime, make someone’s day by sending an unexpected text message letting her know what a difference she made in my life. yang paling best to do this is when i think of an incident or time when this person was especially helpful, supportive or encouraging. rata-rata kawan bilang aku nih spesis yang suka ajak sembang. i call a few people who i haven’t talked to in a while. on a weekend night, i’ll go through my address phonebook until i land on someone i haven’t talked to in a long time. they are so delighted to have a personal chat. it’s so easy to say “weh, jum keluaq lepak” when im visiting with friends, really listen. it’s so tempting to be busy planning what im going to say next instead of listening to what they are saying. since i’ve made it my goal to be a better listener, i notice that friends experience my visits as being so much more enjoyable. friends are not people with whom you always agree, or even always get along. friends are not people you tolerate, but people you celebrate for being who they are.

Beautiful

Why is it that we hesitate to tell others that we find them attractive? On a routine basis, we assess others and determine whether or not we would pursue courtship with them based solely on their appearance. So why is it that we withhold our attraction to strangers? I am staring at a roguish beauty, clad in varying hues of black and charcoal. Her hair matches her clothing except for the brilliant luminosity of the parts that she has dyed emerald green. I want to approach her and tell her:

“Hello, you don’t know me, and I don’t know you, but I think you are absolutely beautiful, and I would like to see you again sometime.”

but, of course, a million doubts begin to arise in my mind:

What if she has a boyfriend?

What if she isn’t interested in me?

What if she thinks I’m creepy?

What if I embarrass myself?

What if she ignores me?

As I sit there, paralyzed by my doubt, I watch her pack up her things and walk away. Part of me is relieved— the decision has been made for me and I no longer have an opportunity to tell her how her dark beauty makes others shine dull by compare. Of course, the other part of me, the brave part who wanted to speak up is now sad and disappointed. However, I am soon assuaged by the thought and hope that there will be another day sometime in the future where I will get the same opportunity, and perhaps then I will say something.

Speak out!

Do you understand what freedom of speech really means?

People need to understand that freedom of speech means that you won’t be arrested for saying what you want. That is the difference with other forms of government like communist & socialist types wherein there will be no such freedoms. It is a way to establish equality among the citizens to avoid abuse of power & wealth. It is a way of expressing thoughts & ideas to improve & alleviate the systems of existing laws of a state. It is the basic principle in a democratic nation. Like Malaysia my beloved country, we are free to express our opinions about whatever we want, but there are consequences. Essential for democracy anywhere, anytime that explains also why democracy does not exist on this planet. Look at the countries in which the freedom to express to our ideas is restricted by the government and we’ll find why it’s important. I think many people have either not had a good civics/government classes or have just forgotten what they learned in those classes. What we all have to understand is that with every freedom we have comes a responsibility. If freedom of speech had ’set defined boundaries’, would it be freedom of speech?

Cable television has a right to air just about anything they want to, and I have a right not to watch it. I have the freedom to tell Najib Razak or even Anwar Ibrahim to fuck off if I want. I wont get C4, am I?

my freedom to throw a punch ends when it hits your face

I have a dreams

This isn’t much like I have a dream, a song to sing. Dream seemed to be getting further away, would you think about whether should we chasing it away or not. For the whole life, some of us dreamed about singing or acting or many kind of.  Unfortunately they intermingle at times. Chase dreams is to follow the goal with our eyes never being taken off the prize. Chasing it away is to follow and get lost on the way. It usually means that us has forgot our goal in spite of we may chase it away, but what I think it is still possible to catch up. Led to dreams, and then they come true even sometimes some of them are nightmares come to life, but in the grade scheme of things, there is nothing we would do to change anything that has happened. Good would only be mediocre if there was no bad. Dreams come true and can be a part of a vision, illusion that stirs us to better things in our lives. For the most part, even negative dreams are to promote learning experiences so that we may adjust our lives accordingly in a more positive direction. When at the end of all resisting, when passion is nearly spent, you can hold that dream in your arms, and the embrace that you offer, is no longer refused, but accepted. Some dreams are meant to be just that dreams, in either way hope is full filled.

When God doesn’t open the doors for you to pursue whatever or whomever it is that you want. If that thing or person just doesn’t fit into your life, or you keep running into obstacles that stop you getting it or them, it’s time to give up. Maybe it’s time to start dreaming a lovely new dream and you’ll find when you achieve it that it’s way better than the original one ever could be.

Chase the dreams not the competition

Calm

Talked to Ammar just now, think all the time about not having to worry about money, or work or school, or being responsible for so many things. It happened to everyone I guess.

I am also the kind of person who doesn’t want to miss anything, I want to hang around a long time and see all what’s invented and what’s going to happen. Sometimes think it must be peaceful not to have the pressures of the daily grind. I often think if heaven is more beautiful than here, maybe I am not good enough, and if hell is worse than here I sure as hell don’t want to go. When I die, that could be the best day of my life ever, and you too probably. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping to die. Death is a beautiful thing, it signifies the person is leaving, and going to a better place, even if we all just rot in the ground. When someone dies, they are at peace. The weight of the world has been lifted off their shoulders, and all the pain and suffering is gone. To leave this earth of any reason, is a beautiful thing. Like the butterfly, the stage we are at is the cocoon. We were a caterpillar when we grew up, and for the rest of our lives we will be encased in a cocoon, struggling to break free. When we die, beauty, the butterfly, is set free, to do whatever we please.

Our situation is our fault. We are human being, quit crying and move. We were born, created, given life to live it. Slowly, slowly, my thoughts started to break past that brick wall of pain. To plan. For I had no choices now but one: to stand still in the middle of road and die.

Life is too short to be wishing it away and want death as a solution

Reasons

When you’re trying to figure out what the “right” thing to do is in morally, do you think having emotions (and paying attention to them/acting on them) hurt you or help you? We should focus only on rational thought.

I think emotion is essential to making the right moral. There are far too many people in our world that think morality is subjective. They have their own biased skewed interpretation of what morality is. Ultimately, for most people in our selfish society, morality is whatever best serves themselves and their kin. Sometimes though the information does not yield a perfect single solution, it may leave a tossup, in that case its may just go with an emotional cue. And sometimes emotions are so strong and instantaneous you act on them without time to think which is sometimes good I guess, but also pretty bad and dangerous. Emotions are the politics of the mind basically, are irrational even the good ones. Without them the human brain is not conscious. You can’t explain why you are ‘in love’, you just are. When trying to do the morally right thing, reason is the way to go. Reason is based on the facts of a situation. You are like a machine. Emotions are in fact the product of reason. The feeling you have require you to analyze. Just the fact that you want to change says that you can, and will. Unfortunately, some of us were raised in families.

Emotion is a part of who we are. Conflict is a part of reality. Insecurity comes from fear of emotions and anger is an actual emotion. You can act rationally only when you learn to accept and express your emotions. They are who you are. To deny your emotions is to deny yourself. Logic without emotion is a computer. Emotion without logic is insanity. The combination of the two is rationality. Emotions are what keep us from being giant calculators.

Reason wins by a landslide.