young and dangerous

okay.. erh. i dont really know how to start off this thing. see, this went way back a few weeks ago.

i met a guy, dont think i should tell his name here. he’s a nice guy, not like anas who’s charming bad guy but he’s more freakishly nice. and at first i never even thought how unusually nice he is. no no no dont imagine anything yet. i dont want u guys to think bad okay. he’s straight. and he already got a hot tall chinese girlfriend. lucky bastard!! not a gay guy wanna buttsecks me by being close and nice and all.

so, okay.
my family is kinda rich. not that filthy rich but berkemampuan and i dont really know what my dad works as. yes he brings money and works, but i dont know what he really work as. he just told us he’s a errrr no idea. my mom on the other hand is just a retired nurse, and i dont think she knows what my dad’s exact work too. we dont ask, and he dont tell much. he gets kinda irritated when we ask him about his profession. and even my recent assignment, i had to lie about his field of work and what he works as. we were supposed to provide details and mind map n all about our family. i just wrote there lawyer or commissioner. but i know that im lying there. feels so guilty man. but anyway, back to my friend just now.

he’s a great guy, i mean real nice man. he is always there should i need help. go to college, or go out minum2 or something. sometimes im short in cash, he backs me up. always promised him i’ll pay back, but he never seemed to mind whether i pay back or not. and the complications n problems start off a few weeks ago. we went out like usual, me and him with his hot tall girlfriend. we stopped by at this usual mamak where we always hangout. and as usual, they have some shisha, me? fill my tummy with burger and syrup. his girl however was kinda moody that time, and she was talking short sentences n a few words only. my friend even was puzzled by her. but i just kept quiet, and not wanting to snoop into their affair.

and just as we all finished minum2, he went to pay. while he was at the counter lining up to pay, his girlfriend started to look like, looking around, and then looking at me. then looks around again. i asked her, whats wrong. she just kept quiet. then i just shrugged off. ok ok lah, i think she got mood swings or something. then she said “i da bosan ngan dia.” naturally, im shocked. i mean, they’re real happy. i started to feel uncomfortable, and told her that maybe its just a feeling in her gut.

few days later, she texted me, ajak to go out again lepak2.  so we went out, and she was alone in the car. i got license but i dont drive someone car, so usually my friend here is the one driving. asked her, where’s him. she said he got some work so he’ll catch up later. then we went along, and she was talking a lot like usual. we laughed along and all. then we almost arrived at the mamak where we used to go. but she kept on going, didnt stop by there. so i asked her, where we wanna go. she said somewhere new. chic place, *heaven* and got better shisha and all. so im all ‘ok sure².’

i dont know much about the road in kl, moreover sunway area from cyberjaya. so we lepak at this place. yea it was indeed awesome. but that place is seriously alien to me. dont see any usual faces, or even those people who greets my friend and his gf. so we dunno anyone there. we lepak at starbuck, and time went by. my friend still haven’t arrive yet.

asked her again, when he gonna be here. she said dunno, and went to call him. that was what she want me to think she’s doing la. she came back, said he’s at his house. but i never went to his house. so i said, nevermind then, i’ll just go home. he probably got work. but she insisted on bringing me along. i told her, no need, dont wanna disturb him. but she kept insisting. and when i want to message him, she shushed me, n told me to make it as a surprise. and i felt something wrong already. or maybe it was just a gut feeling.

got back into the car, and she started driving like a racer. serious i tell you, scared hustle gila. going like 160+. woman driver some more. imagine the horror la kan. my mind was like she was like my colleague dzubir who likes to drive fast  but in woman shape. and she was noticeably hyped more than she usually is. i just forced laugh along, thinking her mood swing was over, and she got that ‘happy mood’ swing or something. whafak la, how should i know, she’s a girl. i dunno how girls’ system work. and some 20 minutes kot, we arrived at his apartment. nice place, and the house is like, on the 18th floor or something. for sure great view. and she opened the door with her keys. and i think its normal gf holding their bf’s keys.

the interior decoration is really girly. that time, i felt something wrong already. that’s her house, not his house. he’s real masculine, and got that muscular build. his knuckles are even flat. like those guys who punch punching bags. there’s even my chemical romance’s lead singer poster on the wall. lol.

i felt really uneasy, and sat at the dinner table instead of on the sofa. she went back to the kitchen and brought some drinks. and she sighed a long sigh. looks at me and started to pour out her mind. blablabla she’s bored with him blablabla sorry i lied telling you you’re coming to his house but this is my house blablabla. im a good listener, so she kinda, u know, kept talking n talking n talking. i was like, shiet lah pempuan ni cakap banyak. nasib baik hot. kalau tak im already out and naik taxi balik je.

some 2 hours pass by, and we started to talk casually, shes not burbling about her emo and feelings and shit anymore. thank heaven. we sat there on the sofa surfing through the videos she got in her ps3. stinking rich. she told me this is all his money, and some of hers sikit2. out of the blue, she started to get sentimental. i was, alamak! not me la. im your bf’s best friend. but i didnt say it, i was thinking that in my mind. nothing happened that night, and we fell asleep on the sofa. but i woke up next morning with her wrapped in my arms. i can imagine how those big knuckles landing on my face would feel like. and it will hurt more knowing it comes from my friend.

i rejected her breakfast offer, and went back home with a cab. took a good RM30 for the ride. damn you cabbies. had to borrow my friend’s money to pay it. and my friend messaged me that morning. he asked me how things are going. im sweating like a marathon runner that time. well, he didnt ask me what did i do last night, and where did i go. so technically im not lying. right?. . right?

yeah. so i told him, everything’s okay. then my dad called asking me the same thing. and i answered the same thing to him. not lying also right? tried to shake off that feeling, and tried to forget about everything. but damn its really guilty wey.. and few days later the 3 of us went out lepak again. and she acts as if nothing had happened. i look at her, then i act like nothing had happened also. but when he went to pay, she looked at me, and said ‘thanks for that night’ i forced a smile and told her that it was nothing. and and thats what friends do. but that phrase kinda make her expression change. right after i said ‘what friends do’ when he came back, she asked me to teman her to go to this mini mart for something. her bf just said ok and we went. at the drinks freezer, she took a beer. that took me aback. i pulled her hand and asked he what the hell is she doing. her eyes watered and started shaking. dropped the beer bottle but it didnt break. dunno la, revolutionary bottle technology or something. and her legs got weak, fell kneeling on the floor. people started to look at us, but i cant care less about them. kneeled down in front of her and asked her whats wrong. she had never been drinking before. starting here things got really fucked up. she took my hand and placed it on her face and told me she dont want her bf anymore. she wants me and she knows she cant leave him for what they had been through. that dude is really a nice guy, but why me?. i mean, im not that macho and also not that short or something, and my stingy dad barely gives me enough money so i ‘know how it feels like to live a hard earned money life’. and she started crying silently but sobbing. and she said she had started drinking to ease up the confusion in her head. i cant help but to feel sorry for her and held her close.

i kept telling her, i cant. this is his happiness, you and him. dont do this to him. he’s my friend and i dont even intend to spanar her. she started talking how she had changed her heart and feels like the spark had gone between them. and last night’s incident made her love me even more. i had to console her for some time, and her bf even called me twice asking if there’s something wrong. i just told him she’s at the toilet and there’s a long queue. with swollen red eyes she walked with me back to his car. he immediately got worried and started asking a lot of questions. i was seriously freaking out and sweating. but she kept cool and just goes on telling how the girls in the girls’ toilet were talking about their relatives and dead friends and all and she got emo also n cried along. tell you, she’s real smooth. even if im her bf, i’ll totally believed her bullshits. girls better at lying!

they sent me home back, and i cant sleep for days thinking about that incident. and the night’s incident also. and she messaged me a few times, i didnt reply. got no credit. even if i got, never!! and she finally called me asking if she had scared me off or anything. again, i wasnt lying, told her that my credit is out. but we talked some more on the phone, and she keeps on vomiting her brains and hearts out on me. and shortly after hanging up, a RM100 topup was sent into my phone. at that point i was ‘aaahh gila la what shit did i got into now. mampus aku. weeks went by, and its around last week. or some 5-6 days ago. she had been messaging me and calling me. my heart had softened to her, and im stabbing my friend in his back. and he doesnt even know it. i had knew i was digging my own grave, and she’s helping me shovel it deeper n deeper. and then……

my friend called, his voice was serious, and he said he’ll come n pick me up shortly. yea he did pick me up, and he was silent along the way. his eyes look like really serious. and i cant even arrange any sentence to talk. we stopped at this park by the lake. dont know what that place is called. i never even bothered to look at the roads we took. he seems to be really angry and was arranging sentences. a few minutes later, a few black mercedes cars stopped at that place too, and people came out. they stood behind him. they all were the same sizes as him. i was very scared man, seriously i was very scared. shit went deeper. he finally started to talk in a low and serious tone. u guys can imagine la what he was saying. ‘i trusted you, you were my friend’, ‘how dare do you do this to me’ kinda stuff. and his tone went higher and higher and started to scream at my face. but i cant do anything. he was right, and i just looked down. they really want to beat me up badly that time. all i can think of was god, my parents, family, friends, everything else. he turned back and vented his anger on his friend, punching on his friend’s chest. but that dude doesnt seem to even move. his hands are big yo, muscular. and his friend didnt even look like flinching of pain. gila these dudes are eating nails for breakfast. he turned back and walked straight at me back but out of nowhere his gf came and stood between us. she started persuading him to stop and said that it wasnt me but it was her. i didnt do anything and it was entirely her decision and shiet. they started quarreling and they exchanged swears and shit. live drama, hard to see, but i didnt enjoy it. they were my friends. he finally told his friends to restrain the girl and wants to come back at me.

and that time, a very familiar car arrive, my ayah came. i certainly hope not but seriously not joking. my ayah came. dont ask how he came, with who, and when, but he’s there my savior. he looked at my friend, and behind my ayah were guys, just like the guys behind my friend. but the number was bigger a bit.my ayah looked at him, and he immediately choked. i cant even think straight at that time, it was all too fast for me. the girl, my friend, my ayah. what’s my ayah has to do with everything? and how in all holy’s name does he know im here??

my ayah looked at him, “what did i send you here for.” but my friend kept quiet, like how i was in front of him earlier. my friend was scared of my ayah. i dont even know why. or even how. and who are those dudes behind my ayah. “i sent you to protect him. ni tak, harapkan pagar, pagar makan padi” my friend just kept silent there looking at the grass.

im stunned, and i dont know what to do. i looked at them and my mouth just spontaneously said “ayah..” he looked at me also with the same look “naim,pi masuk dalam kereta.” one of the guys behind ayah came to me and led me to the car. i went in and looked through the window. my ayah started talking again to my friend, but he seemed to be silent, and cant even say a word. his face was red. then his gf approached my dad reluctantly, and started talking also. after a few minutes talking, my ayah keeps looking at both of them, and at me through the car window. he said some last words, and dismissed. my ayah sat beside me in the car, and we all left. throughout the ride, my dad was silent too. then he broke the silence. ‘ayah hantaq naim mai kolej bukan nak suruh naim becinta.’ i cant say anything. he’s my ayah, i cant fight him. i muscled all my confidence n opened my mouth, ‘bukan camtu, naim tak-’ ‘ayah tau cerita cemana, budak pempuan tu dah cerita. i hate redundancies.’ he just cuts me off. i feel like my face is as pale as a ghost and looked down. noticed some rings on his fingers that he had never wore before.

and my friend sent me a message. ‘i thought you were my friend. why did you do this to me. if you want a girlfriend just tell me, i can find you one. but you took my friend. blablabla’ it was a few pages long. i cant bare reading it all. and my ayah looked at me and sneered. ‘tu la, ayah dah bagi member elok² buat camni.’

this is all just too fast. i can understand anything..

and i lost contact with my friend and his gf.. i really feel guilty, sad and everything all at once. all these emotions are mixing in me..and i noticed, we werent going back to my house, but our house. all the way from kl to perlis. ayah’s phone rang, and he talked with a very serious shocked tone. the other caller was talking so loud that even i can hear it. my friend’s gang and my dad’s gang had engaged war. ayah’s expression changed, and he looks more scared than angry. if he’s scared, then im a thousand times scared. asked him whats wrong.

he said my friend’s branch is a lot higher than him, and his cables are stronger. he’s from kl and centralized while we’re just from perlis.. car speed up and it was literally a rollercoaster ride. calls upon calls flooded his phone and he got anxious by each.

im really in deep shit now.. not only i had gotten myself into deepshit but my ayah as well. i looked at him in the eyes and told him that i messed things up, i’ll end this once n for all. he held me by my shoulder and told me.. he told me that, once this had started, it will only end with bloodshed. i had to be secured first. im the youngest son in the family, should anything happen to my ayah and brothers, im the only heir left. cant emphasize how everything is going too fast. its really going too fast. im trembling like hell and i dont know what to do. all my courage to settle the problem went out the window. and if i can cry, i would cry. i had cried. but i didnt. not in front of my ayah.

that time i can only think about my mak, ayah, siblings, my family. if they dont get to me, they’ll get to my family. i argued with my ayah how concerned i am about my family and i should end this. not him, this is all my fault. cant remember much but finally we arrived at home. mak had packed my bags and my brother had saved all my personal data in a usb drive. he handed it over to me n hugged me tight. telling me that should anything happen, never ever come back. puteri my sister were already away, i dont even know where she went. probably italy since she wanted to go there.

ayah rushed to the toilet, and after that to the kitchen for some drinks before rushing me back with my bags into the car again. mak came to me and asked me what is going on. ayah didnt even tell her anything so she wont be worried. even my brother. both of them kept their omertas. but i had never taken that oath, and i told her everything. ayah almost choked on his water when i started to explain everything to mom. bro was too busy and didnt give shit about what i was telling to mom.

ayah’s face turned red, knowing that i let all his cats outta the bag. ayah took mak by her arms, and explained things slowly to her… and i was there, heard every single word he said. sent shivers down my spine. no wonder ayah had been keeping secrets from us..mak got scared, and said, “you’re movin’ with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.” i whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. if anything i could say that this cab was rare, but i thought, “Nah, forget it. yo, holmes to Bel-Air!” i pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and i yelled to the cabbie, “yo holmes smell ya later!” looked at my kingdom i was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.

hahahahahahahahaha….wtf.rotfl

this is what happens if i can’t have good enough sleep

s h u j i